New Trend? “You’re Not Invited” Invitations

I came across this story this week and just had to share. Please tell me what you think too… Is this the new trend? Or is it just rude?

 

GREENVILLE, SC (FOX Carolina) – It’s the day some soon-to-be brides wait for all their lives, their wedding day.

“It’s one stop shop for a bride,” Mary Sims Costigan said.

She’s the owner of Wedding 101 in downtown Greenville. Costigan consults with couples on just about everything wedding and does it for free.

“We’ve got photographers, venues and invitations,” Costigan said.

The invitations and guest list is where she said it can get tricky for brides-to-be. They have to determine who to scratch off the list and who to keep.

“A lot of times, they aren’t familiar with how much they should budget for their wedding,” Costigan said.

And now with social media and the world of sharing, Facebook friends know when you’re engaged. But, sometimes you’re really just acquaintances with that so-called “friend” who may expect an invitation. In fact, the new trend is to send “you’re not invited invitations.”

“I’m not sure if I’m OK with this ‘you’re not invited’ thing,” Costigan said.

According to reports, invitations and email alerts are filling up mailboxes and inboxes because brides-to-be don’t know how to break the news to those who aren’t invited.

“There’s no need to be rude,” Anne Courtright said.

She said when she got married, she and her husband kept it classy.

“I like the old fashioned method of simply stating ‘we’re having a nice, intimate wedding,'” Courtright said.

Cristina Kotschate said she handled a runaway guest list by being honest.

“In my case I just kind of said that I was going to have a very small ceremony,” Kotschate said.

Costigan said brides should just have a conversation with those who won’t get invitations.

“Go through and pick who are the people they must have at their wedding,” Costigan said.

CLICK HERE TO WATCH THE STORY: You’re Not Invited

Wedding 101: 6 Things To Consider With Invitations

There is proper etiquette when it comes to sending out invitations and all sorts of fancy fonts… but you can Google that.  What’s really important, is how to make your life easier for you and your guests by remembering a few key additions:

1) Add a visual timeline

A timeline people can hang onto the day of or post on their fridge is much more beneficial than the invitation that is crowded with calligraphy and fancy words.  Either add this to the top on your formal invitation or include it as a separate card in the envelope… maybe even make it into a magnet.

2) Children or No Children

If you are inviting everyone and their kids, make sure to include a choice of a children’s meal on the reply card.  If you do not want guests to assume their children are invited or only certain children, make sure you DO NOT add a children’s meal choice on ALL the reply cards.  If you address the invite to “Mr. & Mrs. Turner” and not “Mr. & Mrs. Turner and Family”, you will almost certainly get a phone call from them asking, “I see a children’s meal on the reply card…are the kids invited too?”.  AHHHH O NO!  Then you have to explain to them how only certain kids are coming and not theirs…that’s added stress you don’t need.

Avoid most of those inquiries by only adding a children’s meal choice with the invites who have children who are invited.  It might seem like a lot of extra work, but it is well worth it.

3) Include postage on the reply card

Not only would it appear to be tacky, you might not get many replies back.  Make sure to budget for the extra couple hundred dollars in postage for the reply cards because you might be shocked after you spend all that money on your dream invitations.  Most people will assume postage is added and drop it in the mail without even checking.  This creates a chance for reply cards to be lost or returned and never re-sent…then you will have 50 extra people show up who RSVP’d, but you didn’t know.

4) Make meal choices clear, but not too clear

If you decide to offer plated meals, remember to have guests let you know which meal they would like so you can mark the place cards accordingly.  You do not need to tell them you are having “Seared Sirloin with a light demi-glaze and a side of asparagus and twice-baked garlic potatoes”…just tell your guests it is BEEF!  You will avoid endless phone calls asking what you mean by “demi-glaze” and if they can get chicken strips instead.

What you should do is allow for a place to:
-accept or decline your invitation
-initial or circle a meal choice for each guest invited

5) Number the back of your RSVP Cards. 

This is such a good idea and you’ll thank me later for it 😉 because some people write a no where they should put their name and you have no idea who it is! Once you get them back in the mail, go into your excel spreadsheet and mark them coming or not coming. Then you also don’t have to worry about losing the cards and you can easily tell who still owes you one.

6) Most importantly…  DO NOT include registry information with the formal invitations

As much as you would like people to know where they can buy you all sorts of goodies, it is rude.  Call me old fashion, but a wedding is a celebration of love, not gifts and money.  You should be happy to be blessed with your guests’ presence and you do not want them to think anything other.  Registry information should be common knowledge to your bridal party and they can spread the word, posted on your wedding website, or only spoken of if asked.  If people really want to know, they will ask.